Glorious Champions of "Intelligent Falling" Trounce Godless Gravitationists

Click here to read a very important and timely article from America's Finest News Source (TM), The Onion, concerning the latest victory in the campaign to defeat the atheistic, secular Gravitationists and open up the minds of our children to "Intelligent Falling." Every day the truth of the word of the Essentially Omnipotent Entity That For Legal Purposes Is Not Officially Referred To As God becomes more and more clear--the so-called "Theory of Gravity" is simply not sufficient to explain the widely-observed phenomenon that things fall to the ground when they are dropped. The only viable explanation is that objects fall because the Higher Intelligence pushes them down. Continue to deny the truth if you wish, you heather Gravitationists; I take comfort in knowing that God in his Mercy will fry your souls in an eternal pit of hellfire.