Really, I'll Pay For Your Sax Lessons, JUST SHUT UP!
Here's a cropped close-up of a picture that I took from my balcony looking down toward the small park on First and West:
See that figure in the center of the picture just behind the lamppost? You can't tell in this photo, but he's playing a saxophone. Well, saying he's "playing" it is giving him way too much credit. He's putting the instrument to his lips and sounds are coming out. Horrible, horrible, horrible sounds. Sounds that would make a cat being skinned alive seem melodious. And as it happens that sound is so loud that it can be heard perfectly by me about two blocks away and several floors above street level with my balcony door closed.
I wouldn't have a problem with this if the guy could actually play the saxophone. Please believe me, this isn't me being a snob and saying 'I don't like his style' or 'I don't like his tune selection.' This guy HAS no style. He doesn't know how to play. I am not exaggerating for humorous effect; he literally and very obviously DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY A SAXOPHONE!!! He just blows three notes over and over! You would think he just picked the thing up yesterday and started blowing into it. The only reason I know that this isn't actually the case is because HE KEEPS COMING BACK!!! I can't imagine anyone gives this guy money for the noise he makes, unless it's hush-money.
Whoever you are, whatever sort of street-musician you consider yourself, please just hear my offer. I know you aren't going to stop torturing downtown Reno with your "art" just because I ask you to, and calling the police would be pointless, so how about this: You attend saxophone lessons and send me the bill. Just please stop your little farce, because you're embarrassing the whole neighborhood. Stop pretending you don't suck. Study how to play your instrument of choice with someone who actually understands the how and why of putting notes together to create music. Do this for, I don't know, maybe six months. You won't be great, but at least you will know a few songs, which is way more than you can claim now.
See that figure in the center of the picture just behind the lamppost? You can't tell in this photo, but he's playing a saxophone. Well, saying he's "playing" it is giving him way too much credit. He's putting the instrument to his lips and sounds are coming out. Horrible, horrible, horrible sounds. Sounds that would make a cat being skinned alive seem melodious. And as it happens that sound is so loud that it can be heard perfectly by me about two blocks away and several floors above street level with my balcony door closed.I wouldn't have a problem with this if the guy could actually play the saxophone. Please believe me, this isn't me being a snob and saying 'I don't like his style' or 'I don't like his tune selection.' This guy HAS no style. He doesn't know how to play. I am not exaggerating for humorous effect; he literally and very obviously DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY A SAXOPHONE!!! He just blows three notes over and over! You would think he just picked the thing up yesterday and started blowing into it. The only reason I know that this isn't actually the case is because HE KEEPS COMING BACK!!! I can't imagine anyone gives this guy money for the noise he makes, unless it's hush-money.
Whoever you are, whatever sort of street-musician you consider yourself, please just hear my offer. I know you aren't going to stop torturing downtown Reno with your "art" just because I ask you to, and calling the police would be pointless, so how about this: You attend saxophone lessons and send me the bill. Just please stop your little farce, because you're embarrassing the whole neighborhood. Stop pretending you don't suck. Study how to play your instrument of choice with someone who actually understands the how and why of putting notes together to create music. Do this for, I don't know, maybe six months. You won't be great, but at least you will know a few songs, which is way more than you can claim now.
posted by Yukon Sully | 5:04 PM
4 Comments:
Come on now-- take your guitar out and you can show him how a real musician plays!!! :)
Sure, we'll have a showdown like the guy who played The Karate Kid and Steve Vai do at the end of 'Crossroads'. Except we'll both suck.
I was laughing so hard, I almost cried.
Too bad he not in throwing distance. I'd be throwing lettuce and squid at him. Maybe you could toss ashtrays like a frisbee and get him.
Or even better, get a laser pointer and blind him from your balcony.
Post a Comment
<< Home