It Isn't Always Easy
I'm never quite sure how much I should write about my professional life in this blog. Talking too much about your work in such a public format can really come back to bite you in the butt, especially if you're a lawyer. On the other hand, if this blog isn't about me and what's going on in my life, then it's just another one of those gadfly snark-blogs that isn't about anything other than the author's contempt for everyone he considers dumber than himself, which is usually everyone on earth. My job is too much a part of who I am to be left out of this space entirely.
Sometimes my work can be very fulfilling, the sort of thing I can really be proud of. Other times, it can feel like a suckerpunch in the gut. Although I shouldn't and won't get into specifics, let's just say that yesterday was one of the latter times. Being a prosecutor is a very tough job, and the toughest part of it is knowing that if you screw something up, then someone gets away with a crime and it's your fault. Not your fault that he committed the crime--that's clearly his own doing. But the fact that he avoids punishment, that a victim is denied justice because of a mistake you made, that's something that sticks in your craw. You can't dwell on it, of course; this sort of work waits for no one, and if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself it only increases the likelihood that you'll make more mistakes. So you try to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, put it out of your mind, tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that the only difference is that your mistakes are writ large in a public forum because of the nature of your work. You try to motivate yourself with the thought that everyone stumbles sometimes, that the only real defeat comes from giving up, and besides you are still a professional with a job to do. But the inescapable truth is that when you take your duty to the public seriously and you make a big mistake that results in justice being denied, well, it just plain hurts. It hurts like a kick in the teeth and there's nothing you can do but try to learn from it.
Sometimes my work can be very fulfilling, the sort of thing I can really be proud of. Other times, it can feel like a suckerpunch in the gut. Although I shouldn't and won't get into specifics, let's just say that yesterday was one of the latter times. Being a prosecutor is a very tough job, and the toughest part of it is knowing that if you screw something up, then someone gets away with a crime and it's your fault. Not your fault that he committed the crime--that's clearly his own doing. But the fact that he avoids punishment, that a victim is denied justice because of a mistake you made, that's something that sticks in your craw. You can't dwell on it, of course; this sort of work waits for no one, and if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself it only increases the likelihood that you'll make more mistakes. So you try to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, put it out of your mind, tell yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that the only difference is that your mistakes are writ large in a public forum because of the nature of your work. You try to motivate yourself with the thought that everyone stumbles sometimes, that the only real defeat comes from giving up, and besides you are still a professional with a job to do. But the inescapable truth is that when you take your duty to the public seriously and you make a big mistake that results in justice being denied, well, it just plain hurts. It hurts like a kick in the teeth and there's nothing you can do but try to learn from it.
posted by Yukon Sully | 8:20 AM
2 Comments:
Sounds real bad, Yukon. What did you do wrong? BTW, remember how you were ready to give up a few years ago? Your family kept urging you to keep at it. Are you glad we made you stick with it?
As I said, I won't get into specifics about what happened. But yes, I'm glad I stuck with it--I don't know where I'd be if I were trying to make a living doing something else. There are good days and bad days, like anything else.
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