Return of the Resolution People
Yes, they're back. It's that time of year, after all.
I don't want to pretend I'm some sort of fitness fanatic, or even that I'm in good shape. But I do go to the gym regularly. It's part of my routine, and if I stop going I start to feel like a giant slug. Normally I stop in after work, and if all goes well I'm done by seven p.m.
Not today, though. Not while the gym is clogged with the New Year's Resolution People. I didn't do a headcount, but tonight I'm estimating there were fifty or sixty thousand of them, all new members, and most of them seemed to be sitting on (but not using, just sitting on) whatever piece of equipment I wanted to use. The guy at the counter who I usually buy a Gatorade from as I'm leaving told me the gym has signed up as many new people in the last five days as they usually do in an entire month.
The Resolution People show up in swarms every early January in every gym in America, as regular as the swallows returning to Capistrano. At the place where I work out they clog the entryway, force me to park on the fourth floor of the parking deck, and know nothing about gym etiquette. I try not to dislike them, honest I do. I know their hearts are in the right place, that they're just trying to get in shape and affect a positive change in their lives. And I was once in their position myself, even though it was many years ago. Still, that doesn't help me when there's a line three people deep to get on THE ONLY DECENT TREADMILL IN THE WHOLE @%$&*! PLACE! I've been using that very treadmill for months, dammit! That's MY treadmill! Who do these people think they are?!?!?!
Okay, calm down Sully. Just be patient. I'm sure they're decent people. And if it ever gets to be too much, just quietly keep repeating to yourself "They'll all be gone by March . . . They'll all be gone by March . . . They'll all be gone by March . . ."
I don't want to pretend I'm some sort of fitness fanatic, or even that I'm in good shape. But I do go to the gym regularly. It's part of my routine, and if I stop going I start to feel like a giant slug. Normally I stop in after work, and if all goes well I'm done by seven p.m.
Not today, though. Not while the gym is clogged with the New Year's Resolution People. I didn't do a headcount, but tonight I'm estimating there were fifty or sixty thousand of them, all new members, and most of them seemed to be sitting on (but not using, just sitting on) whatever piece of equipment I wanted to use. The guy at the counter who I usually buy a Gatorade from as I'm leaving told me the gym has signed up as many new people in the last five days as they usually do in an entire month.
The Resolution People show up in swarms every early January in every gym in America, as regular as the swallows returning to Capistrano. At the place where I work out they clog the entryway, force me to park on the fourth floor of the parking deck, and know nothing about gym etiquette. I try not to dislike them, honest I do. I know their hearts are in the right place, that they're just trying to get in shape and affect a positive change in their lives. And I was once in their position myself, even though it was many years ago. Still, that doesn't help me when there's a line three people deep to get on THE ONLY DECENT TREADMILL IN THE WHOLE @%$&*! PLACE! I've been using that very treadmill for months, dammit! That's MY treadmill! Who do these people think they are?!?!?!
Okay, calm down Sully. Just be patient. I'm sure they're decent people. And if it ever gets to be too much, just quietly keep repeating to yourself "They'll all be gone by March . . . They'll all be gone by March . . . They'll all be gone by March . . ."
posted by Yukon Sully | 9:37 PM
4 Comments:
it never fails. the same exact phenomenon is occuring in quincy, ma at the ymca. but you're right, 90% of those people will be gone by march and we'll all get our favorite tredmills back...that is until the spring when people are forced to take off the sweaters that have been concealing their love handles.
Maybe in the meantime you could try jogging outside!
Nah.
Wimp.
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